In my heart
by Abbey245
Summary: Eric travels away from home to find himself. He meets Sookie and follows her to a country that he begins to love in it's beauty and ugliness. He loves that country even when he isn't allowed to be there. OOC AH
1. Chapter 1

Dead in the north

**_Welcome to my new story! It is set in Estonia which is my home country and it will be in Eric's POV. This is the preview, so don't think that all of the chapters will be this short. There's some estonian language here and if the translations are wrong, then they have to be wrong. Eric isn't too good at estonian. I hope you like it._**

**_Eric and Sookie belong to Charlaine Harris. The rest is mine._**

_I met Sookie in Helsinki. When estonian women ask me, where we met – and only women ask this – it gets their interest. „In Helsinki?" they ask surprisedly. „What where you doing there?"_

Does Helsinki really seem like such a faraway place to some estonians? It's enough to sit on a ferry in Tallinn heading north and you're in Finland. I'm sure there are other outlanders besides me that have been lured to Estonia by a woman.

Saying that I met Sookie in Finland has given me a chance to crawl out of several unpleasant conversations. Once in a bar in Tartu, two muscular, sweaty and blonde locals – let's call them Mikk and Tõnu – decided to start a fight, because supposedly I had stolen „their" table, where their empty beerglasses had been left unattended for more than ten minutes.

„Kurat, see on meie laud," _(Damn,this is our table) _swore Mikk, who was obviously just begging for a fight.

„Ma väga vabandan," _(I'm very sorry)_ I answered nervously in estonian. „Mina mõtlesin, et see laud oli vaba." _(I thought that this table was free) _

„Sul on imelik aktsent," ütles Tõnu, who was clearly just wanting to punch someone too. „Kust sa tuled?" he asked. There where dark stains on Tõnu's hands, possibly from fixing bikes or motorcycles... or strangling people. _(you've got a weird accent. Where are you from?)_

„Minu olen pärit New Yorgist," _(Mine am from New york)_ I answered, trying to fix the situation fast in my stumbling language, „aga mu naine on eestlane, siis ma oskan Eesti keelt." _(but my wife is estonian, then I speak estonian)_

„Su _naine_ on eestlane?" _(Your wife is Estonian?)_ Tõnu exclamed jealously. It was clear, that he didn't have his own estonian woman. They switched glances. The fact that a foreigner had stolen one of their women seemed enough to charge me as guilty and punish me the South-Estonian way. Now I hadn't stolen just their table. I had claimed one of their women.

„Jah, aga ärge müretse, mehed – me tegelikult kohtusime Helsingis," _(Yes, but don't würry. Men – we acually met in Helsinki)_ I explained calmly.

Suddenly they relaxed. In a few minutes we were pleasantly talking of how hard it is to master the estonian language.

„Tead," _(You know,)_ Mikk stated as he was sipping his beer, „sa räägid Eesti keelt täitsa hästi." _(You speak estonian quite well)_ Tõnu nodded to that „Mõned elavad siin 50 aastat," he waved his big fists, „ega oska ainsatki sõna!" _(some live here for 50 years, and don't know a single word!)_

I blushed to the compliment, though it had been said to me repeatedly.

Mikk and Tõnu realized that I hadn't come to their country with a set plan to take away one of their women. When I came to Estonia for the first time, I had only planned to stay for one day.

_**So yay or nay? If you have any questions or something you want to say, leave a review. They are greatly appreciated.  
>Abbey <strong>_


	2. Chapter 2

In my heart Chapter 2- Isn't Helsinki romantic?

_**Wow! I already finished the second chapter. You could say that I'm inspired by the winter going on in here AKA sitting home all the time because it's too cold outside! I am still enjoying the winter fun like skiing, skating and cleaning the car in the mornings because it snows practically every night. Right now, Sookie and Eric are in Finland and I hope I captured the feel of it right. I've been there more times than I could count, but I can still never get enough of the country. A Finnish friend once said to me that you know you're a Finn if you travel to Estonia to buy cheap alcohol. I'm not sure of that statement's accuracy, but I know that beer is cheaper in Estonia :)**_

**_Eric and Sookie are not mine, but I'm willing to give them a tour in Europe. Just sayin!_**

_The harbor of Helsinki doesn't give most people a huge thrill. I personally get sentimental, when I end up near the Esplanade. It's a long street, that ends with a fresh - food market near the ferry s going to Tallinn. Just there, I met Sookie for the first time._

On a wonderful August day I was standing there, my body cranky from the jet-lag, staring at a young woman with a long braid of blonde hair falling down her back. She was wearing red pants and big sunglasses covered her eyes. The soft waves of the Gulf of Finland were beating against the edge of the dock and Sookie was standing in the sun and smiling. In the background, there were jolly ships and old men selling fresh fish.

"I'm Sookie and I'm 25 years old," Sookie said to me "I just came in from India. It's very strange to see the Baltic sea again."

I nodded and introduced myself. Eric, 23 years old, from America, happy to get away from home. Far away from everything. I listened to Sookie speak and looked, as tiny strands of her hair were waving around in the wind. I looked at her slim, tan body, graceful fingers and high cheekbones. Somewhere in my body, a high-pitched voice was demanding me to make babies with her – sorry Mikk and Tõnu. I felt very vulnerable. 'Shut up!' I shouted to the voice inside me 'don't get me into any trouble!'.

After my eight hour plane trip, Sookie might as well been a Baltic Aphrodite. I couldn't talk, because I was pretty worn out. From time-to-time it seemed as my eyesight started swirling from exhaustion. It was 2am, but it could have been seven in the morning or 10pm. My body couldn't understand what time it was.

I also didn't know what to think of Finland, but I felt in my gut, that arriving there was an emotional milestone. I was thousands of kilometers away from most of the people I knew, but for some reason I didn't miss them. I had already seen how other people from our course, had stormed into net-cafes to email their friends. I hadn't written a single word to mine, just given them a call from a phone booth and announced that I was still alive.

I wanted away. I wanted to break free. I wanted to be here in Helsinki. I told myself that I had to mend my soul from all the mishaps during the past year. The plans of mending my soul didn't involve a romantic intrigue, even Sookie and her blonde hair weren't exceptions.

By the way, I was in Finland to take part of the Finnish foreign correspondence course, not looking for love. On my final semester in the George Washington university I was looking for job offers on the internet and found this temptation named Finland. I chopped together an essay of how much I dream of seeing the northern lights; in the very modern Finnish embassy interview, I managed to impress the people and I turned out to be one of the two Americans who were chosen. Maybe my interviewer sensed that I was desperate Well he was right.

At that moment, my life had transformed into something you would see in the reality show "Real World", where individuals in their twenties tried to find themselves in the middle of a city milieu full of sexual diseases and nihilism.

My college relationship had found it's end through infidelity and a storm of emotions. Even though I had loved the girl, our love garden had been so filled with salt, that nothing would grow there anymore. To relieve my pain, I had started hanging around worn-out bohemians who ate hash like porridge. That's right, some of them mixed into their food every night. What had a girl told me one night at a party? Oh yeah, that I had no ambitions. And it was true at the time. I had barely enough willpower left to end my pathetic situation. When I look back at it, it is clear that Finland was my final chance. In my dreams I had heard the distant call of Helsinki, the outdoor madhouse from across the world.

Our course that had been worked out by the Finnish outer ministry had mainly one goal: to lure young and promising journalists to Finland, brainwash them and explain how great Finland is, then send them back home, where they can one day be editors of newspapers and television stations and so that they'd be equipped to speak knowingly of moose- breeding and The Cold War. By a country that was once known by it's solitude it was a wise act and I have no doubt that the Finnish foreighn Correspondence course would be a turning point in my life.

As the program progressed we were taken to Turku that was on the west coast of Finland. There, we could drink on ships that were built to be bars, that stood in beautiful channels. We were introduced to the university city Tampere, where we could beat ourselves with birch branches tied together into bundles in the sauna. After that we took a plane to Lapland, where we could camp on the harsh Nordic landscapes and drink from the same river as the moose did.

Soon enough, we found out that Finland was a country, where people make themselves work with a huge amount of coffee and they sleep with the help of sweat and vodka. How could I say no to such huge amounts of alcohol?

…...

A few days after we met up with all of the correspondents, there was a party in Helsinki. After the party I sat on the bus with another American and we started riding towards the house where we were staying. While she was throwing up into her handbag, I got the sudden urge to pee and jumped off the bus in a random stop and did my business in the nearest bush.

The night air around me was dark and warm. I was all alone and at first it made me feel good. But then I understood, that I had no idea where I was or how to get home from there. I told myself that Helsinki wasn't that big and the house might be just around the corner.

I must have been wandering around the silent and dark alleys for an hour, when it dawned on me that the only way to get home, was our lovely bus number 55. The problem was, that I was already so far from the bus stop that I had no idea where it was.

I was still drunk and very confused, when I met a bunch of teenagers in front of a house where there must have been a party going on.

One very blonde girl told me something in Finnish. Her long hair very curly and thick and it fell around her head gracefully. She repeated her question.

"I'm looking for my bus." I mumbled.

"You speak English? Where are you from?"

"New York."

"New York? What the hell are you doing in Helsinki?"

"I'm taking part of," I stopped for a second to think "a correspondence course."

The girl smiled compassionately and gave me the directions to the bus stop, where I sat on some bus that rode somewhere. I was tired, drunk and lost, now I was telling the story of my life to the bus driver, who spoke perfect English.

"What's your name?" I asked him.

"Mati." Mati reached out his hand and shook mine quickly, keeping his other hand on the steering wheel.

"Where from?"

"Well, I was born in Estonia."

"Estonia? There is an Estonian girl in our course...Sookie."

"Sookie. The name doesn't sound Estonian." he smiled

"I think it's a nickname or something. When I first saw the list, I couldn't believe that someone could have such a strange name."

"Well, Estonians have many weird names," Mati smiled. "My brother's name is Uku."

"Yoko?"

"No, not Yoko," He smiled. "U-ku."

We had coursed the streets for a while, until Mati finally caught up with the bus 55.

"This is your last chance. Buses usually stop driving around this time, so you have to run or else you'll miss it."

"Kiitos!" _(Thank you) _I shouted back to him

"No problem!"he grinned.

I made it just in time thanks to Mati and the next moment I found myself thinking about how lucky I had been. If it weren't for Mati, what would I have done? Slept on a park bench? Called the American embassy at three in the morning.

When I finally stumbled in from the door, I was told that the other people had went looking for me. I was glad that I was treated with such attentiveness, but a bit ashamed because alcohol had defeated me tonight.

…...

"Do you know how to say "Do you want to fuck?" in Finnish?" an Arabic journalist whispered to me. "Halut sie panna?"

"Oh really?"

"And "I like your new haircut" is..."

We were on the correspondent's wine and cheese night. I wasn't sure if I had gone to bed sober on any of the nights I had spent in Finland. Mohammed, the correspondent from Egypt had too, taken a few glasses too much and was giving me a lecture of the aspects of the Finnish life.

"My readers really enjoy it when I write about the saunas, " he explained. "Imagine how exotic the sauna is for the people of Cairo."

From the gang of the young drunkards, Sookie ran towards me and cackled with the Hungarian correspondent Reka.

"Do you know the secret?" Sookie whispered into my ear.

"What secret?" I asked curiously.

"Ah, so you don't know the secret?" the last syllable stung at me like a bee. Sookie turned back to Reka, laughed again and walked away.

Sookile was strange. Out of our group, she was the only one who didn't consume any alcohol. She had supposedly spent some time in aašaram in India, where people lived a "pure" life. But she was still the most ridiculous and at the same time entertaining person of us.

What was her secret?

**_AN: Do you know Sookie's secret? You don't? Well, that's too bad because I'm not gonna tell you... yet *giggles* Reviews are inspiring, so make sure to leave one if you want to. I hope you liked the chapter because if you did, know that I like it that you like it :) Big warm hugs to you all!_**

**_Abbey_**


	3. Chapter 3

In my heart Chapter 3

_**AN: What's that? A new chapter? Impossible! But it's here. As you might have noticed, this isn't the same cocky Eric we know and love from the SVM books, but he still looks the part. He's just a little more adorkable, so I still enjoy him. I also enjoy your lovely reviews and please keep 'em coming. I don't have a beta for this story, so if you're willing you can just let me know. I'm open for options. Some of these things have actually happened in real life and I have heard them from some friends of mine or have experienced them myself. To be honest, it's much easier for me to write stories when they take place somewhere I have been. It's just much better to get in the zone that way. Right now, Eric and Sookie are in Finland with their crazy gang, and I'm writing about the place as I have seen it. I hope these little snippets of Finland keep even the hardcore Finnish people out there entertained, or else I'd have angry Finns coning to my house to strangle me at night. I mean no harm. I love Finland :)**_

_**Eric and Sookie belong to Charlaine Harris, I'm just dragging them around Finland mindlessly.**_

It appeared that Mohammed was right about the sauna thing. In Finland, our group went to the sauna everywhere and every night. In the city, the woods, on the islands, even in special Lapland smoke-saunas, where the walls were black from the smoke.

One time, our group stopped at a summerhouse near Tampere. The men went to one sauna and the women to the other.

"Usually they all go together, but I figured it would be weird since you all are not from around here."

Going to the sauna with a bunch of naked men wasn't very normal either. We had to undress in front of complete strangers and sit in a dark room, right next to each other. And they call it relaxing.

So what to naked foreigners talk about in the sauna when they have a couple of beers under their heart? Most of the time we spoke about what might be going on in the girl's room. The French journalist Florent told us about his dream to hump all of the Finnish women. Slovenian Matjaz tried to find out, which one of our group's girls we fancied the most. I didn't want to answer that question, though I had a pretty clear idea what I would've said. The friendly Canadian Mitchell and boyish Russian Jevgeni, who probably hadn't shaved at all during his lifetime, were discussing the English language.

"Do you want to know the English word for a soft kiss on the earlobe?" Mitch asked Jevgeni.

"Of course! I have a notebook where I put all the new English words I learn during the day."

"Jevgeni, a soft kiss on the earlobe is called _dildo _in English."

"Dildo? That's great!" Jevgeni said excitedly. He stopped for a moment and digested the new word.

"So, Mitch. If I go to a Canadian girl and ask her and ask her for a dildo, could she understand me?"

"Of course!"

All the men were joking and chatting. Only our Finnish host Jari wasn't talking. He started throwing water on the hot stones with a stoic calmness. Big waves of steam rose from the heater that made your ears feel like they were on fire and cover your face with your hands. When the steam disappeared, he threw the next cupful on the stones. Then another. Nobody said anything. Supposedly it was manly. No one wanted to be the first to run out of the sauna.

Everyone hoped that Jari would stop after a while and would start beating himself with the birch branches, but nothing like that. He just kept throwing water, until all the foreigners ran out of the sauna. Only Jevgeni seemed very comfortable. It seemed that in addition to the beard, his skin didn't also export any sweat.

"We are Finns!" Jari screamed "We will conquer the world, one sauna at a time!"

The summerhouse was next to a clear lake with an island. Over there, the air was somewhat different. It seemed to hug the whole body and it seemed fully natural to be naked.

"I don't know what you're doing, but I'm gonna swim onto that island over there!" Jevgeni exclaimed and jumped into the dark lake water.

I too, had noticed the small island. From the terrace of the sauna, it seemed temptingly close. I thought about pulling on my swim trunks, but Jevgeni seemed confident about what he was doing, so I dove into the water in my naked state too.

I had thought that we would make it to the lake in ten minutes. It was easy to swim, because I was decently equipped for just about anything because of my trained musculature. But my nakedness made me very nervous. I saw the flashes of the fish below me and parts of me were hanging there, just like live bait. I swam behind Jevgeni as fast as I could as the fear for my manhood gripped my guts like a vice. I ran to the shore and laid down on the moss to rest and it stuck to my wet body.

"You're not used to saunas and swimming in lakes?" Jevgeni laughed "It's an old Russian tradition."'

"That's one dangerous tradition," I said silently.

Suddenly, noise interrupted our island idyll.

"Ahoy, there's Jevgeni and Eric!" I heard female voices shouting from the other side of the lake "After them!"

"The girls are coming here," Jevgeni shouted excitedly "Maybe we should go and ask them for a dildo? They must already be on the island."

"Who's there?" I asked and covered my manhood with record speed.

"I hear the voices of the Latvian Maria and the English Natalie and I can almost see the Estonian girl Sookie. Too bad they're all wearing their swimsuits."

"Sookie!" I almost squeaked, "We have to swim back!"

"Why?" asked Jevgeni, "Are you afraid that she'll see you?"

"Ok-ok, let's go now."

I had really evolved in Finland. I had done many things there, that I as an American had no chance of doing before. I had learned to relax in a hot room full of naked men whipping each other with tree branches. Now I had nakedly swam across a lake, my manhood helplessly dangling in the fishes mouth reach. But surely I wouldn't need the hot Estonian girl Sookie who kept secrets, seeing me standing in a bush, stark naked and covered with dirt.

When we got back to the terrace, I was honored with a cold Lapin Kulta beer.

"You were very lucky," Jari said to me as he was helping me out of the water. "Every summer, plenty of tourists drown in Finland like that."

…...

"What are you listening to?" Sookie looked at me. We were on the bus heading to Turku from Helsinki. My face was burning red under the evening sun that was shining from the bus windows.

"My music." I answered while glancing nervously at Sookie.

"What do you mean your music?"

"As in the songs that I have written."

"Can I listen too?"

"No." I answered and grabbed a tighter hold on my iPod. "I mean, yes you can but later."

"I think you might be the only musician I have met who doesn't want to have anyone listen to his songs." Sookie said and I made faces at her. At first she had seemed romantic, but now she came down as just plain scary.

It all began when we were in a ship bar in one of Turku's canals. I was sitting next to Sookie and suddenly she said "Eric, you must be very sad. You have sad eyes." and walked away.

Sookie's words pulled the carpet from under my feet. I knew she was right, but still hated her for it.

At night, I was laying on my bunk-bed miserable and sweating. "A face looks back to me in the mirror, that's supposedly me. But...but what? Nothing. There is nothing else: get drunk or go to sleep." I thought to myself, rolled over and fell asleep.

…...

"Please play me your music," said Sookie on the bus again. "I really liked it how you sung "Ticket to ride" yesterday at the ferry's karaoke night."

The only good songs in that karaoke album had been the Beatles songs and I picked one of them that I could sing. I knew that Sookie liked the Beatles. She even wore a Beatles shirt sometimes It was gray and had the band members floating on balloons. In fact, she had been one of the few people that had clapped. The audience that mostly consisted of Finnish people stared at me like I was an alien. When I left the stage, they didn't even look at me. They treated every one of the karaoke singers with the same cruel indifference, even the fat funky drunkard who sang "I love rock'n roll" right before me. What was wrong with them?

Sookie narrowed her eyes and smiled at me. She had already borrowed me her iPod, which was filled with very good music and it was only fair for me to return the favor. I looked into her blue eyes and felt, that if I looked long enough, some supernatural power would appear. Maybe I'd start levitating?

"Oi, Eric!" the Canadian Mitch interrupted me "Do you have any more Lapin Kulta? It's hot in here,"

"Yeah sure, I grabbed some with me." I answered and stuck my hand inside my backpack.

When I was handing Mitch the beer, Sookie reached herself towards my seat, grabbed my iPod and ran to her seat in the front of the bus as fast as she could. My sunburned face was even redder from the embarrassment.

"Give it back!" I shouted "Give me my music back!"

Sookie didn't answer. She was slouched on her seat, a naughty smile on her face and started listening to the songs that I had played alone in my parent's garage last summer.

I heard the drums from the earphones and sensed that there was no use in interrupting now. Sookie had peeled off another one of my layers, whether I liked it or not. The music played, Sookie raised the corners of her mouth and I backed off to my seat feeling defeated. I felt like a crab turned onto it's back on the hot sand, insides ready for the picking.

I sat and waited for Sookie to give me my record back. I waited for it the whole day, but she just walked around with the headphones on and when she passed me, I could hear my drums.

_**AN: Is it just me, or does Eric have a secret crush on Sookie. He seems awfully shy about it, but don't worry. I'm sure that he'll be asking Sookie for a "dildo" soon enough. I just hope Sookie will give him more than that ;) I'm sad to say that their trip will be over soon, but I'll get to take them into Estonia, which will be a treat. Halfway through writing this chapter, I considered naming the other correspondents after SVM characters, but I figured that they wouldn't be staying around for very long anyways and their names capture their nationality better. To be true, I did too much research to get these names match to their countries to give them up. What the hell, I'll just name some Estonians after the SVM characters (though you'd better try to find any Estonians named Bill or Quinn) I hope you liked the chapter. Reviews are appreciated as always. **_

_**Abbey**_


	4. Chapter 4

In my heart Chapter 4

_**AN: Hey people! Sorry it took a while but RL is acting bitchy with me and my muse was on a vacation. I'm trying to get on track,but it isn't that easy ;) I hope you like the chapter and I also hope it's warm where you are. -25C isn't a joke, It's freaking freezing here! Thank you to all that reviewed/alerted/favorited this story. It means a lot to me. Enjoy!**_

Our group was returning from Aland. We had gone swimming on a secluded beach, or at least on a place that the Finnish people call a beach. The boulders that Kökari island seemed to greatly consist of, abruptly disappeared into the deep water. The water seemed unbelievably dark and deep and it intimidated me a bit, but Sookie jumped right into the water and floated away from the group.

„Aren't there any big fish?" I asked our Swedish host.

„What?"

„Big fish. You know shark, killer whales."

„No." he laughed and popped his pipe. „no big fish."

When our group decided to leave the beach, Sokie was just a spot in the distance. I figured that she might need help swimming back and swam after her. The Baltic sea seemed strange and threatening to me. Even though the Swede had said that there are no killer whales, there could've easily been other creatures. Giant squids. Murderous octopuses. Maniac walruses.

After a while we were next to each other.

„What are you doing?" Sookkie shouted and waved her feet under the water. She took in a big breath of air and went underwater.

„I came to see if you are OK. I was afraid that you would get tired."

„Oo," Sookie laughed as if I had surprised her with a flower bouquet „You definitely get 12 points for that."

Twelve points? What was that supposed to mean? After a few months, I figured out that it might have been a reference to the Eurovision song contest, that I hadn't heard from at that time.

„Aren't you afraid to be this far from the beach?" I shouted.

"Ahhaa!" Sookie announced "If you don't fight too much, the water will take you where you need to go. The water will keep you on top! You have to trust the water."

"I didn't like the way people looked at us when we climbed out of the water. Even though we were over twenty, I felt like a third grader in the middle of all those new faces.

"So how about you and Sookie?" teased the Slovenian Matiaz.

"Shut up, Matiaz" I told him.

"Well, tell us!"

"Leave it be."

"Did you make out in the waves?"

"Leave him alone, Matiaz," said the french Florent "everyone aren't such gossipy schoolgirls like you."

…...

I was convinced that I didn't need anyone. I wanted to live as a hermit, be a music-monk. Me and my guitar against the world. But sometimes, feelings won over me, like when I watched Finnish TV in the dorm room. Every afternoon, when Buffy the vampire slayer was on, I watched the strong energetic girl and she took the pain away. I could say that I was a little bit in love with her.

"Eric, you need a girlfriend," Said the British correspondent Pam, when I was yet again watching my dear Buffy with glazed eyes.

Pam was a blonde from England and she was as straight as a circle. She was exactly as old as I was and to me, she was like a long-lost twin sister.

"I know." I sighed

"Sookie finally gave me my iPod back in Kotka town. She came after me and Jevgeni in a music store and pulled me in the middle of the classic music shelves.

"I've listened to this for days and it's really good," she said as she handed me the iPod "Just know that you are very talented." I could sense the energy radiating from her body when it neared me. I felt as if I was going to melt.

"Talented?" I said, flattered from the compliment "Thank you."

"My favorite is the song where you sing _"hopelessly, helplessly" _in the end"

"Yes, I couldn't decide which one to go with so I used them both." I said. That song meant the most for me too.

Jevgeni looked at us from the hip-hop shelves with a puzzled expression. "Why do you look at each other like that?" he interrupted.

"How?" I said back to him. I didn't understand what he was talking about. Sookie didn't bother to answer Jevgeni. Instead she smiled at me again and left the shop.

…...

At the beginning of the final week we flew to Lapland. From the airport, we rode a bus over rocky mountains and through forests with sweet pine smell, our guides played us the local wild music called joig.

At a bar in Inari where we were dancing with the locals, Mitch and I decided to start making toasts to each other behind a glass of whiskey.

"The only sin is not caring," Said Mitch and looked me deep inside the eye. "And missing your chances."

All of my regrets lined themselves up in my head.

"Did you just make that toast up?"

"No," Mitch answered and sipped his whiskey. "But it seems to me that it's appropriate right now."

"Why the hell did you have to say it now?" I stuttered to Mitch "are you trying to ruin my evening?"

"You see? I knew this would be a good toast." Mitch laughed proudly "It makes you think." Mitch was 34 years old, older and wiser than all of us and he was even engaged.

"Fine," I said. "Let's live so that here won't be any regrets!" I swallowed another dose of whiskey, hit the glass against the table and stepped outside. I knew that when I wouldn't find sookkie that night, I would regret it until the end of my days.

It was 11PM, but the sun was still shining in Inari. The lake filled with tens of Nordic islands, was lined with thick, gloomy trees. I saw Sookie sitting on a dock that reached far into the lake. At the end of the dock, there was a water-plane and the air was thick with fat Finnish mosquitoes.

When I neared her, I heard that high-pitched voice in my head again telling me to make babies with her. I was too into the moment to even notice it.

I sat next to Sookie. We chatted about something that I couldn't remember. I could only think of the power that pulled us closer and closer to each other.

After a while, Sookie reached towards me and pulled a small candy wrapper out of her pocket. She folded a teeny boat out of it and put it into the water from her side of the dock. The boat swam from underneath it and came out on my side so I caught it from the water.

"The most important thing is to trust the water," Sookie said in a nosy tone. "Always remember that when you're swimming, that if you trust the water, it won't ever hurt you."

I looked at the paper boat carefully for a while.

"Well, you see," she said happily "now promise that you keep this boat for the rest of your life. Promise?"

Was she kidding? In the golden dusk light of Lapland, I looked at the boat again and looked back at Sookie.

"I promise."

...

An hour later. Our tipsy journalist gang headed back to our forest house near Inari, where we were living. I was staggering on a moonlit forest trail, when Sookie ran out of the shadows.

"I think I saw a moose!" she almost screamed it and her eyes were gleaming. I couldn't understand if she was making fun of me or was she truly in trouble.

"Really?" I said shockedly. We had seen a few moose during our hikes and they seemed like big, smelly and probably very dangerous animals. I grabbed her hand "Where should we go?"

"I don't know," She said in an urgent whisper, "maybe we should hide behind these houses."

When we climbed into a bush behind one of the small houses, she put her head on my chest. "It's full moon." she sighed and started giggling.

Suddenly a crackle came from the bushes. I jumped up "What was that? Is the moose back?"

Sookie started laughing.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"You." she laughed even louder.

I looked around in the bushes. It was midnight, but the sky was light gray. But even with the extra light, I couldn't identify a pair of horns in the dim-lit forest.

"You know," I said seriously "we're sitting out here, but what if the moose comes and..."

Sookie laughed even louder "Do you want to know the secret?" she asked.

"What?"

"The secret." she laughed. "The big secret! Finally I want to share the biggest secret of the universe with you."

"Tell me. What's the secret?" I whispered and leaned over to hear better.

"The secret is...that the world is small!" Sookie laughed. "It's not big!"

"That's your big secret?" I asked stumpedly.

"Yes!"

"Really?"

Someone crackled in the bushes again.

"Hey, are you sure that there are moose there?"

"I'm pretty sure there are. Big moose with big and sharp antlers!" Sookie was writhing with laugh in the bushes.

I grabbed her hands and leaned closer. While doing that, I noticed her high cheekbones. Sookie was different, but in a good way. She was full of light and that was exactly what I needed. Yes, I had experienced a lot of new things during this trip.

_**AN: Thoughts? Don't hesitate to click the review button, you know you want to. What did you think of Sookie's big secret? Till the next chapter!  
>Abbey <strong>_


	5. Chapter 5

_**In my heart Chapter 5**_

_******Yet again it took me a long time to upload. Surprise huh? But RL has been being a bitch (another surprise) and it has been difficult to find time for writing. I haven't even been able to read any stories because my phone was stolen and I ALWAYS read on my phone. But I hope you enjoy the chapter :)**_

Before the ride to Finland, I had watched old James Bond movies for the whole summer. I really liked how James Bond used his sexual talent to tame dangerous women „You must respect Sean Connery," I thought to myself when I was watching the „Golden finger" alone one night. „Pussy Galore is no match for him."

But on the next morning after we had been hidden from the moose behind the small house, I entered the canteen nervously and secretly glanced at Sookie over the table. Our eyes met and I froze. She seemed to be just as confused as I was. But then she winked at me unexpectedly and my insides cramped. Where was my inner James Bond at these moments?

"Sometimes she seems beautiful and gentle to me," I confessed to my notebook. "Her love is like a magnetic center, a home of sorts. But at other times it's too strong and frightens me."

For the rest of the time we spent in Lapland I felt clumsy around Sookie. I didn't know what to do or how to act. I didn't want to sit next to her and give more material to the rumor-machine that was Matjaz. On the plane ride back to Helsinki, Sookie didn't sit next to me. Instead, she was talking to Jevgeni in the front of the plane. I was jealously sitting in the back of the plane and listened to my music. At last I was alone, the knight of sadness.

The days slipped by under the dimness of northern summer nights and the star of Lapin Kulta beer. On the farewell dinner we had in Helsinki – that took place in a seaside restaurant – I decided to sit next to Sookie. She was reading a book, which she put down when I got near.

"Do you want to go out for a walk?" She asked me after a while and I nodded.

We left the rest of the tipsy journalists at the table and descended the long stairs onto the island. The golden lights of Helsinki shone around us and ships passed us into the night. It felt special. At last I had found a place that seemed to be just for me.

"What are you going to do when you go back?" Sookie asked.

"I don't want to go back," I said, watching the lights solemnly. "I want to stay here."

"Why don't you want to go back?"

"Well, look at that," I said, pointing at Helsinki. "It's so beautiful."

"Maybe you should come to Tallinn tomorrow with me," Sookie offered. "Perhaps it would help you somehow?"

"To Tallinn?" I asked, looking at the ghostly ships in the darkness.

I had heard of Estonia before. When I was little, my grandfather gave me a book that that children's tales in it from the days of World War 2. One of the children was from Estonia. I still remember how this little girl wrote about the food norms and how she liked a snotty nose because it made the flavorless soup taste a little more salty. When I thought of Estonia, I thought of that story.

One day the french of our group Sara and Florent had told us that they had been to Estonia. When they had done it, so could I. I had also heard that Estonia was in the European union, which made me feel a little bit safer.

I hadn't heard of Tallinn before and felt a bit unsettled when I understood that Estonia – the same Estonia where Sookie came from – was only one and a half hours away from Helsinki. I knew where both countries were on the map but or some reason Finland as a Nordic Country and Estonia as Eastern-Europe were very far from each-other in my head.

The moment I understood how close those capitals were to each other, a revolutionary twist took place ins my geography sense. Yes! I'm really going to Estonia! Estonia had always seemed like a part of a different civilization. In my mind, there were Cyrillic signs and onion shaped Orthodox church towers looming above all else. I imagined pocket thieves and untrustworthy women on every corner, who would try to rob my money. Maybe even Sookie was like that. I mean, how well did I know this woman? The only thing I knew for sure was that she was strange.

As I was standing there and wondering if I should go to Tallinn with Sookie or not, the French journalist Felicia joined us.

"Eric I like you," confessed Felicia in her cute French accent while lighting a cigaret. "Honestly, I usually hate Americans, but you're different. It seems as if you are looking for something."

I thanked Felicia for the compliment. The moonbeams penetrated the fog.

…...

When it was nighttime, I was sitting in my room and watching stupid shows. I was hoping that Buffy or someone like her would appear on the screen. I was unhappy, because our Correspondence program was ending and I had to go back home, where there was nothing for me.

The English woman Pam stepped into the room and saw me sitting on the couch. She just left the bar.

"Eric, what are you doing?"

"Nothing," I answered.

"Eric, go to Sookie," Pam said and shook her head. "I know you want to go. She is surely back in her room. This is our last night here. Do you understand?"

Deep in my head, I knew that Pam was right. I hugged her and walked out of the room without saying another word. Then I walked down the stairs to the second floor. I walked to Sookie's room and knocked on the door nervously, hoping that she would still be awake.

The door opened just enough that I could see Sookie's blue eyes and her warm smile.

"I've decided to come with you tomorrow." I said hopefully.

"I knew you'd come," she whispered. "Come inside."

The whole night I laid on her bed and listened to the others in our group say goodbye to each other outside in the darkness of the night. Plenty of people's flights would be leaving during the night.

In the meantime, Sookie was stowing her seemingly few things, then shifted them around again. The whole room was full of papers covered with handwriting. How could she put things in order for such a long time?

"What are you doing?" I whispered to her restlessly at about 4 in the morning.

"I'm still sorting," she answered.

I thought that sorting things was one of Sookie's quirks. Later I found out that it was a way of entertainment for Estonians.

…...

When we started moving towards Tallinn from the dorm house the next morning, I kept my documents close. Who knows, maybe they would be stolen from me, the naive American, when I'm not careful. When we boarded onto the ferry heading to Tallinn, the Finnish border guards let me through without any long talk.

But they started drilling Sookie in the most uncomfortable manner.

"What have you been doing in Finland for 30 days?" the border guard barked at her.

"I was taking part of a correspondence course," Sookie answered.

"Is there any way for you to prove it ?" the guard asked doubtingly.

Sookie dug inside her bag nervously for a few minutes. Finally she fished out her wallet and to prove that she wasn't a hooker or a ecstasy dealer, only a mere journalist, she showed them the press card and the document she had gotten from the embassy.

This pathetically funny incident reminded me something. I had studied in Denmark for a few months and there I had heard anecdotes of stagnant, stupid and drunk Finnish people. I had even seen a few Finns who fit to that description perfectly. One of them, an old hippie Jorma, had looked like a blonde crazy khan.

The Danes I had been with at the time, looked at Jorma as if wolves in the forest had raised him. But in here, there was a Finnish border guard, who wanted to humiliate someone different from him.

It seemed as if everyone had someone who they could compare themselves to and feel better about themselves.

After the border guard had finally let Sookie go, I was a little bit disappointed in Finland.

_**Just to divert this little snippet of criticism at the end, I want to say that I love Finland and that passport checks can be bitchy in any country. But next chapter Eric is going to come to Estonia, so brace yourselves ;)**_

___**Abbey**_


	6. Chapter 6

In my heart chapter 6

_**It's been a long time again. I will not even try to find an excuse for my lack of updates this time. There are no excuses for this. I'm very sorry and I hope you all can forgive me. I'll try to make a habit of updating every weekend. Surely I can write a chapter in 5 days and update on the weekends? I sure hope so.**_

_**Well, I hope you enjoy the chapter. It's more like a filler, so I wouldn't have to keep y'all waiting for too long. Big thanks to everyone who have reviewed/subscribed to this story. You make my days ;)**_

_During the ferry ride Sookie asked me how I imagined the Soviet union._

I told her that as a boy, I had imagined how I would go to Europe's colorful old towns and noisy harbors, step onto a ship in some place like Copenhagen or Stockholm and through the polluted sea, I would arrive to the world of gray box houses and gray unhappy faces. That was how I had imagined it.

"But it was just like that," Sookie's brow furrowed. "It was gray."

"And how did it go like that?"

"It didn't happen overnight."

But as our ferry drifted from Helsinki to Tallinn there was nothing gray. I was expecting to see some half-socialistic northern Byzantine Empire, the Crimea of the Baltic sea. But there was no Crimea. There were islands and forests. From the map that was on the ferry, I read the names of the islands. Aegna, Prangli and Naissaar (as Sookie translated it to me, Naissaar meant Women's island in English)

"Have you ever been to Naissaar?" I asked Sookie.

"No," She answered. "People go there, but there are a lot of unexploded...what are they...the things you throw into the water to blow up ships?"

"Mines?"

"Yes, unexploded sea-mines. From World War 2. Sometimes they write in the paper, that somebody accidentally stepped on a mine and blew themselves up."

I decided that I would never go to Naissaar without a metal detector. It was a pity that the islands weren't more hospitable. They reminded me of the peaceful archipelago that surrounded Helsinki. In the distance there were some white ships near the coast of Naissaar. Surely their captains knew how to avoid the traps of World War 2.

When we neared the harbor, Sookie and I went to the upper deck. There were some Finnish teenagers, who spoke loudly and drank canned beers. It was 10 in the morning.

Off the deck, I saw Tallinn, but it didn't look eastern at all. Instead, it looked like Helsinki, Copenhagen or Reykjavik. The silhouette of the town was decorated with white Luther church towers. To the left, I saw shiny glass hotels and office buildings.

"This looks like Helsinki," I said surprisedly. "This almost looks like a Scandinavian country."

"Estonia is somewhat of a Scandinavian country. It's just less lucky than the others."

We docked and walked to the ferry terminal, that didn't differ much from the one we left behind at Helsinki. The woman in the passport control looked at my document dully. With her long blonde hair and sky blue eyes, she looked a little Finnish, but there was something spicy in her that made her that much more beautiful. Now I understood why there were so many Finnish men on the ferry to Tallinn.

Her passport stamp fell and I was allowed to enter. "Eesti Vabariik" (_ Republic of Estonia _) I muttered to myself. The language looked like a crossover between Finnish and German, with a little bit of Swedish babble mixed in it. It didn't seem as poetic as "Suomen tasavalta" ( _Republic of Finland _) where we had come from.

Even though the harbor of Tallinn had seemed pretty and modern from afar, I quickly understood that the first impression could be deceiving. Some of the buildings nearby were abandoned and the wind had broken their windows. Close up, it reminded me of the abandoned seaside towns of New England, that I remembered from my childhood.

The surrounding architecture confused me even more. An old Orthodox church here, a gas station there and between them a 24hour alcohol store. In front of the shop stood some half bald estonian punks, who took turns with a bottle of vodka.

As we moved towards the old town of Tallinn, the dirty part of the city was left behind us and was replaced by hotels and currency exchange stalls. By the medieval gates that led to the old-town we was cafes full of plump middle-aged Swedish, Finnish and German tourists. The only way I could set them apart was by the sound of their language. They all looked the same.

There were also old Russian women and small gangs of Italians and Spaniards. It seemed as if all of Europe had been gathered onto one street.

"Do you remember any words from our Finnish-trip?" Sookie asked.

"I remember how to say _"minä olen mies"_" _(I am a man)_

"Well in here they say _"mina olen mees"_"

The difference was barely noticeable. Sookie confessed that she understood most of the things that our Finnish hosts told each other. Even the things that they didn't want us to hear. Like the fact that they complained about us drinking too much.

"But what did they expect then?" I asked in a wounded tone. "They let a whole bunch of journalists into a room with a lot of opened wine bottles and they think that we wouldn't drink it?"

"I didn't drink," Sookie laughed. "I didn't have time, I had to listen to what they were talking about us."

We walked along the majestic streets of Tallinn's old town. The creamy Hansa buildings fascinated me. I was holding a travel guide that crawled out of it's skin to glorify Helsinki, but it seemed to me that no travel guide could glorify Tallinn's old town enough. The capital of Estonia looked much better than I would have guessed.

On one twisted, narrow medieval street I looked into the dark windows and said "This place is amazing. Can you imagine what it would be like to live here?"

"You could live here," Sookie said lightly "I've lived in the old town before."

I could live here? On the other side of the earth? Surrounded by these medieval fayry-tale houses? The thought seemed unbelievable, but I still weighed it.

"What would I do here?"

"You could teach English."

I considered the thought for a moment. Then it flew away and faded into the afternoon sunlight of Tallinn.

"I don't think I could make it."

"Ha!" said Sookie. "You can live wherever you want and find friends everywhere. I have friends in the whole world."

Yes, I remembered, Sookie had told me about her adventures. In India she had helped shoot a movie. In England she worked as a nanny. Sookie's stories traveled from place to place. There was India and England, Israel and the Canaries. There was Malaysia, Cyprus and Belarus.

We sat on the Toompea and looked down on the red roofs of the old town.

"Our program is over, will you stay in Tallinn now?"

"I don't know. I'll stay here for a while because I want to study. I won't stay here permanently though. I've still got a lot to see and I can't do that if I settle down here. I just haven't made any plans yet."

Neither had I.

_**How did you like it? I hope you did. It's quite hard looking at my hometown through a tourist's eyes. I did some research and asked my friends from oter countries what they thought of Tallinn the first time they saw it and tried to write through their eyes. All criticism is welcome. I'll make sure to reply to reviews (if there will be any) on tuesday. I won't have any time for internet tomorrow. **_

_**Until next weekend :) **_

_**Abbey**_


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